Celestial
by Cyberspace
Summary: Who exactly is the Ellimist? I have a feeling that even K.A. Applegate is not sure. My version of the Ellimist, along with a reminiscing of the tragedy of Book 54, Rachel's death, and an elaborate description of her turbulent emotions.


**_This is my first Animorph fic, and I'm totally serious about it. The reason I wanted to write this fic was because I suddenly had the impulse to write a tragic but fantastic ending. Thus I decided to glorify Rachel's death along with a description of the Ellimist, who proves to be the most elusive character in the Animorph series. This will be a one-shot forever, since there is no possible story to add to the ending of this fic._**

_**Note to my readers in the AF fandom:** If you people are here, then hi! Kindly review my fic in the Animorphs fandom, although I have some doubts whether this would be good or not. It's my first Animorph fic, and first one-shot, after all._

**Disclaimer: **Do I have to do this? Must I tell you? -sighs- All right. I don't own what KAA does, for heaven's sake, I don't even own the plot. The only thing I own is my writing style, which is hardly valuable. Is everyone content now? Everything understood? If so, please don't sue me:)

* * *

**Celestial **

There was this girl. A girl so audacious that she's often perceived to be reckless, yet with svelte composure that remained dignified as ever even during the harshest situations. However, beyond her sophisticated looks you could see something quite different in her eyes, those clear, azure irises that reminded you of two peaceful lakes. The only hint of her true emotions, obscured by numerous layers of protection intricately woven around her mind at all times, was always seen in her eyes, if one tried to look hard enough. This time it was intense fear. Fear of the situation she was about to face, and also fear for she will finally disclose one last secret of hers to the Animorphs:

She was not fearless.

Yes, as all the Animorphs have pointed out several times, it is not a hero who is not daunted by the face of death; those are lunatics driven into ultimate insanity. Being afraid, or at least anxious is what really helps heroes to be more wary. But now she was feeling fear quite unlike any other she had ever felt; she wondered if she would live to feel intimidated in this way again.

For what seemed to her one last time, she reminisced the macabre scene she had witnessed at the construction site. The feeling of unknown power rushing through her veins as she touched the glowing blue cube. She thought of the immense amount of fauna she had managed to morph: bald eagle, cat, wolf, fly, fish… Even the morphs she had not enjoyed: shrew, ant, flea. And last of all, the animal she had grown to be most intimate with: the grizzly bear. Despite the crucial situation she was in, she couldn't help but feel the excitement she had always felt every time before battling the Yeerks.

She was_ insane to the membrane,_ as Marco would have said. In order to maintain her sanity, she closed her eyes and began to count. _One, two, three,.. nine, ten._

_Yeerks, _Rachel thought._ Ready or not, here I come._

* * *

From human to flea to human once again she went, without being noticed in the least. She crouched in a hidden place, completely unseen, dreading but anticipating the result of what she was about to do. Jake's concerned but determined expression was the usual, but what had really hurt her, the one thing that stabbed her heart with a thousand daggers, was Tobias. 

Tobias. The only man she had truly loved. And Rachel was the only person Tobias had been loved by. After all these years of being tossed back and forth by his aunt and uncle, and being neglected by both for no particular reason, being treated as a jerk by school cliques, Rachel had done it. Tobias had belonged nowhere, been a nomad wandering inside his own heart.. Rachel had taught him the true meaning of love and friendship, and in return was loved back.

Even as she morphed into the exact morph that had become a vital part of her, her thoughts did not subside. Jake. The fearless leader role had suited him well. Cassie was her best friend., and the peacemaker. She was the one that quelled the animosity between the Animorphs every time it aroused. Although she did not have a sense in fashion, she had a deep mind that could see beyond the ranges of what the rest of them could see. Marco, what would be his title? The Animorph entertainer? The self-proclaimed celebrity? And Ax, the unknown alien, the enigmatic andalite? Rachel almost smiled as she analyzed each of her friends. It was ironic how as far from sentimental this war may be, it always made Rachel more maudlin than she had ever been in her life.

Her ponders were abruptly interrupted by a sudden shriek, "Animorph!"

If she had lips, now was definitely the time to grin that crazy grin of hers, the one that many males found quite attractive.

(That's right, genius: Animorph.)

* * *

A gargantuan grizzly bear sufficient enough to pulverize a human being now faced a number of animals that were most definitely on your most perilous animals list: two lionesses, a cape buffalo, and a polar bear. Four against one. It was a tough match. Nevertheless, Rachel was confident and reckless as she was at all times. After all, Xena the warrior princess had never experienced a battle that was too "rough." 

(Well? Scared?) She was on the verge of laughing.

Silence followed due to utter shock, without so much as a budge.

(You'd better be.) With these three words, the feud was initiated.

She started with tackling the polar bear. The unbelievable strength of the grizzly combined with the intelligence of a human being, along with Rachel's experience who had now been through more wars in the past three years than a full grown man could ever dream of, it was as if the triumph of the fight was bound to be hers; if only it was one-on-one.

Sadly, it wasn't.

The buffalo rampaged straight for the brown, 7-foot-tall bear, accompanied by a duo of lionesses clawing and slashing at Rachel's neck and face. Although the lionesses were of mediocre size, next to massive Rachel, they seemed weak and puny. The technique they had chosen was not the best they could do, for no creature can claw through a grizzly's fur.

Thrusting the lionesses away from her for the umpteenth time, from the corner of her eye she spied the now-demorphed Controller, the one with a polar bear morph. Fighting the urge to do away with the two attacking felines then and there, she began to charge toward the human. She had to kill him while he was in his vulnerable human state, before he was rejuvenated. Then she will be rid of the main adversary, thus there will be a higher chance for her to prevail.

Trying her best not to slip on the floor slick with blood- her _own blood_- she drew closer to the human, brown eyes wide in fear. Quite an antithesis to his version of the polar bear. Her dim bear eyes were focused at her aim, cool with indifference of a warrior poised for battle. It was then that she noticed a movement quick as a flash in front of her eyes, and all of a sudden….

She couldn't see.

As she blinked and squinted desperately, a sudden realization came to her like a pail of ice water splashed on her face. She felt the cobra's venom seeping, penetrating through her eyeballs, and her eyesight remained dark and hopeless as ever. She suddenly felt a deep rancor for Tom, the cobra, the reason for her blindness.

No, not Tom. The Yeerk inside Tom's head, controlling his every move with invisible strings as if he was a marionette. The cousin who was no longer her cousin.

Who has ever dared to blind _Xena: the warrior princess?_ Oh yeah, that person definitely deserved to die.

(Rachel!) Tobias cried out from the screen.

(Help me, Tobias.)

(I can't...I…)

(Help me get him. Help me get him!)

(Okay. Okay. He's…your left paw, toward your face. Get ready. Has to be fast.)

(I'm ready.)

(Now!)

She felt a euphoric wave of success as she felt the snake impaled on her claws, writhing with all its might. With success she also felt relief, for now she would die in peace, having done her duty faithfully.

Hearing the last cry of Tom before his death, calling out for Jake, she felt a pang of sympathy toward Tom's fate. His dead corpse would be a snake's instead of his own, and he had not died on his own will, for he was not the master of his mind. She did not let this feeling hinder her next move though. She expressed her compassion by biting into the cobra with her teeth.

* * *

Rachel demorphed,whilethe snake's lifeless torso still remaining limp in her mouth. She was now exactly as she was before she had entered the ship, completely uninfluenced by the utter chaos that had occurred because of her. As she spit the snake out, she took one last look at the zoo of animals staring maliciously back at her. One last look at the screen, Jake, Cassie, Marco, Ax, and Tobias in his human morph, tears flowing down his face in thick streams. Mourning for her, and her only. 

"I love you," she said. To Tobias? Jake? All of them? She was not sure. She concentrated on finding equanimity in the middle of turmoil, and finally managed to let out a small, taut smile.

You fight well, human. The last words she would ever hear.

The girl fell with a single blow, and the gaze of her glazed eyes still lingered on the view screen next to her.

* * *

Rachel refused to close her eyes, determined to take in Tobias's face in her memory even after her death. She braced herself for the intense pain she was about to experience. Much to her surprise, the brunt of the collision did not cause her much pain. Rather, she felt a tingling sensation as her soul gradually rose up into the galactic universe, while her body fell to the floor with a sickening _thud_. She noted the expressions on her friends' faces, frozen in disbelief. Then it hit her. 

_I…I'm dead?_ Rachel was incredulous. _I'm… actually dead?_

She didn't want to die. She would give more than anything to see the end of this war, and afterwards carry on with her own life, along with some normalcy. Well, at least as much normalcy an ex-warrior could have.

It was unfair. She had sacrificed almost everything for the sake of humanity, and all she received as a reward was death. At least she would be honored as a heroine then. She had fought gallantly, but during this war it had somehow escaped her mind that she was a mere mortal being, a puny _homo sapien_.

Soothingly, subtly, someone was approaching. Rachel jerked her head, only to discover that she no longer had a head. Or a body, for that matter. Who could it be?

An old man in a wizard's robe emerged from the shadows. The Ellimist's disguise was a stereotype for a wise man, but Rachel knew better than to believe it. Nothing was genuine about the old Ellimist.

"You," she said.

"Yes," the voice replied. It seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

"Who are you?" Rachel demanded in a threatening tone. "Who are you to play games with us? You appear, you disappear, you use us, who are you, what are you?"

The Ellimist was silent. Quiet as a stark desert at twilight.

So slowly that Rachel did not even notice, the sagacious old man cover began to waver, to fade away. She understood; she will finally get to know the true identity of the Ellimist, the almighty God of the Universe.

Yet as the image evaporated in front of her eyes, all she could see was a big black nothingness, with only the stars in view. She looked all around her, determined in search of the divine being. "What happened? Where are you?" she almost shouted. "I can't see you. Come back now!"

"What you see is not all there is," the voice of the Ellimist announced. "As an immortal, you must learn the way to feel beyond sight."

_Feel beyond sight, _Rachel thought. She never had a knack at comprehending esoteric metaphors. _Feel beyond sight… Feel beyond sight… Let's think, Rachel. Do you know any people that can feel beyond sight? Blind people, do they ever feel beyond sight?_

She reminisced a time a few years back in school, when she was aiding a handicapped person for community service. It was just before the incident at the construction site that completely diverted her life from its path.

"I know I can't see." The girl she was assisting, her blank eyes remained glazed and dull, yet still bright with hope and happiness. "But you'll never believe what I feel every day. I can see the colors shift now, Rachel. A few years ago, I thought that would be impossible. Now I can see more than what sighted people can normally see. I can see the wind moving the grass, the pleasant air in the atmosphere when my friends are surrounding me, and you know what? Some people don't know they actually exist. Now _I_ feel sorry for _them_."

The wind. Rachel could feel the breeze moving back and forth erratically, around and over her. It brought her a strange feeling she couldn't quite put her finger on. It wasn't happiness; it was too simple a word to describe what she was feeling. Nor was it optimism, for she seriously doubted that a person could feel optimistic after death. It was not giddiness either; it hardly did justice for such an intense and deep emotion as this one.

Bliss. As simple as this word may seem, it was the exact word she was searching for. Not that words really mattered. Words were merely a way of communication devised for mortal humans, wasn't it?

"Where are you," Rachel whispered softly, inhaling the _bliss _which was now as tangible as her body had once been.

"Everywhere," The Ellimist whispered back.

It was a totally unexpected perception, and now Rachel knew. There was no profound answer to the questioning of who the Ellimist was; he was everywhere, everything, at any time. When she and Tobias were riding a thermal, that was the Ellimist carrying them high up into the air. Whenever Marco made a sarcastic joke in Cassie's barn, the giddy air that seemed to encompass all around them was the Ellimist, quietly laughing along with them. Whenever the Animorphs' affairs became complicated, that was the Ellimist also, battling Crayak in their own millennia-long war. He had influenced all living beings in some sort of way, and it was all possible because of his omnipresent self.

"We must go," the Ellimist said.

It was a wonderful thing to tell Tobias about. He had been wondering day and night about the Ellimist, and even experienced sleepless nights due to a great amount of effort just trying to figure out who he was. Now all she needed to do was go down and tell him-

"We must go," the Ellimist repeated.

But she could no longer tell him anything. Rachel accepted it. After all, she would be watching her family and friends, and other people she had loved from above at all times.

The Ellimist lead her with a gesture so tender it nearly broke her heart. To where, she did not know yet. As they continued on towards an unknown place for what seemed like a long, long time, Rachel had one final question she was desperate to know the answer of.

"Answer this, Ellimist: Did I… did I make a difference? My life, and my…my death… was I worth it? Did my life really matter?"

"Yes," he replied. "You were brave. You were strong. You were good. You mattered."

"Yeah. Okay, then. Okay, then."

No other speech was needed. It was everything that Rachel to know, the one thing she must know in order to greet death peacefully.

An aurora reminding Rachel of the velvet curtain she had at home seemed to welcome her with open arms. It was beautiful, and prismatic with all the colors that ever existed. It was a glorious place; a place where love and peace was tangible, a utopia where everyone was on the verge of ecstasy…

She literally reached out to touch love. It bounced off her translucent hand in a jolly sort of fashion. Jolly, but graceful at the same time. Beautiful.

What was she so worried about? There was nothing to worry. What she had lived through all this time was just life. Life is not important. The joyous part started posthumously, and that was when the most amazing and incredible afterlife began.

_Come, Rachel. _A voice was calling her. Could it be an angel? God?

_Come, Rachel. _The wonderful voice exhorted her, but she hesitated. She could not be tempted by such mysterious kinds of sounds. Was it really all right to comply?

_Everything will be all right. Come, Rachel._

Rachel realized she now had no choice, for she was flying steadily towards the aurora against her will. But then again, it was not quite against her will, for she had always wanted to go to and live in such a beautiful place….

All was calm.

Little did Rachel know that back on Earth, a certain red-tailed hawk was silently bidding her goodbye with his tears.

_Goodbye, Rachel……._

* * *

_**Did you people like it? Well, merry Christmas and happy reviews:)**_


End file.
